he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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