hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
