Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
