I smell stomach acid.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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