3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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