I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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