Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
