uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
