WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
