You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
