You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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