are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dicks are not precious.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
