bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
