Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
