we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
