we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
