i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
They took my balls.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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