Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Holy sore nipples Batman
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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