the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
