My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
