We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
