When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
