Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
