Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
MIDGETS
????
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
