you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
