I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
