last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We left the knife in your bed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
