awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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