so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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