Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
