he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
