He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I touched a dick in church today
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
