Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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