i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
