just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Randomize
