My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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