I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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