I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
