We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
