btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
