need another drink. this is the easiest way
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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