Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
