Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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