I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
