well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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