Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
