just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
