Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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