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A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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