what day is it and did you see me today?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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